As I currently sit on my lovely, soft warm bed surrounded by my two huge wolf stuffies (yes, I still sleep with stuffed animals), soothing music, I breathe out a happy sigh.

I find it interesting that even when you have a hard day, things ALWAYS look up, no matter how dark the situation may be.  My day didn't start off so great.  We are currently in the middle of tech for our One Acts Festival, of which I play the dual role of Director and Lighting Designer for two.  Everything went smoothly for both my techs.  The road leading to that smoothness had a quite a few bumps though.  I mean what road doesn't right? Needless to say, there were moments where I didn't know what the heck I was going to do about a few things, but in the end, a solution presented itself.

Well...actually, the Father presented a solution.  It was one of those moments I really thought I was not going to make it.  Anxiety, sadness, fear, all the typical emotions gripped my mind and heart for a brief time, until I surrendered everything to the only One who provides a rescue.  :)  What a relief it was to know that, although hidden at the present time, a solution was on the horizon.  Twenty minutes later, the sun rose, the choir sang and all was well. :)

From there everything went skyward.  And now I am just thinking about some of the lovely, wonderful blessings that currently warm my heart.  Here are some examples.

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Beautiful music reminding me that I am watched over constantly by a protective pair of eyes...


Recorded laughs and giggles from silly mishaps and awkward statements...


Cuddly stuffed animals...


Warm chocolately, pepperminty Christmas drinks from my favorite local coffee shop...


The smell of the Holidays...


Encouragement notes from a dear friend...


Pumpkin Spice muffins...


Boarding passes for a flight home...


The anticipation a family gathering...


Finding a really cool Kappa Delta Epsilon coin in the parking lot...


A favorite movie trailer...


Warm clothes fresh out of the dryer...


Hiding in the corners of Barnes and Noble and reading aloud childhood stories with a best friend...


Hugs and kisses from a beloved...


Saying "I love you" to someone you hold near and dear....and hearing it in return...

A Happy Heart does good like a medicine. <3

It's one of those moments where you wish you could hit the rewind button, take back every hurtful word and unhelpful deed you've done to someone you care about deeply, that you find your head in your hands and a dense gap inside that matches the question "Why, how...and will?"


Welcome to what's been inside my brain recently.  


Ever feel stupid?  Like ok, I'm currently pondering two levels of stupidity.  Here they are. 


Number 1: Actually doing stupid, dumb things that hurt other people.  Things like, getting angry, or letting your mouth run with words that are hurtful.  What you don't realize is in those moments where you're doing the thing you don't want to do, you are deaf, dumb and blind to everything else in your life. For one moment of "just" satisfaction you will toss all the good out the window. 


Really? 


Yeah. Been there. Done that. 


Number 2: Being thick enough to not pick up on signs that people give you that indicate "Not now, please." It's one of those things where you think offering help to others will be beneficial.  Talk it out, be a "good ear"... Um, no.  FAIL.  


That's just more embarrassing really, and it smarts a bit when you realize that you gave someone the exact OPPOSITE of what they needed in a off moment.  


Check please on MY "Failure to communicate". 




What's worse is that now I have to LIVE with the stupid things I did.  As far as hurting other people goes, all I can do is ask their forgiveness, and if they won't give it, then I must (and will) move on.  I can (and have) forgiven myself, more importantly though, God has forgiven me.  There are those days, however, where you still remember what you did and it's tough.  Memories don't exactly die hard.  You constantly have to remind yourself that the person who did those dumb things does not exist anymore.  They are gone and what's in place is a wonderful New Creation.  And that is the truth. 


As for being "thick", I can only hope that God instills some common sense in me.  Either that, or He will just give me a better ear for which to hear the Holy Spirit saying "Hey, wait on this."  I thought I had been doing better with that...I guess not.  Although right now, I still feel stupid. It's not like I can go up to whomever and say sorry, I mean, who apologizes for trying to be helpful? No, I think the best course of action is to step back, keep my eyes open, and my mouth shut.   

This feels like a dense, cold weight slowly slipping and pressing down on my insides, and it hurts.  It hurts because I hurt people I care about deeply, and there's nothing I can do to retrieve that action, that intention, those words.

Am I too late to right what has been wronged?

If not...Lord show me how.

Boundaries. Contraints. Limits.

These are words that should NEVER be in an artist's vocabulary.  In some respects, it would be a heinous crime for an artist to use such language.  Art represents the ingenious beauty of the Creator of Creators.  To inherit the talent to create art is a Gift not to be taken lightly.  In your hands lies a power not everyone can comprehend or understand.

As an artist, you are...

given the ability to portray human emotion at it's most beautiful and raw form...
able to see beyond the surface of humanity and explore the depths...
creating a universal language that the heart speaks...
allowed to break all boundaries and push limits...
born with the talent to represent and recreate the mind of the Artists of Artists...

With such a Gift in your hands, I hope and pray you do not squander away what you have.  Be you an actor, poet, visual artist, musician, novelist, sculpture, dramatist, designer, singer, dancer...the list goes on...Use the talent you have.  Never stifle it or let it be constrained by what the world says is "acceptable".  Who cares what is "acceptable"?

Free your mind.  Be yourself.  Create.

I found this song by Vitas, a vocal artist with an incredible falsetto! I love this song and music video.  It reminds me of that freedom that artists find when they are discovering, exploring and creating.  There is such a freedom in that process.  This is what artistic freedom sounds like to me.