As my family and closest friends know, I am THE "World's Worst" when it comes to saying things out loud-i.e. putting some of my most desperate and heartfelt feelings into literal vocal tones.  I myself find this incredibly ironic because I am a loud outgoing individual.  In order to affectively communicate what I'm feeling I sometimes have to write it down.  Thank goodness for pen, paper and oh yeah...blogs.

I shall explain the title right off the bat.  After having graditated (my version of graduated) college, my brain has literally been eXpLoDiNg with ideas and I have been writing like mad. What am I writing?

Wow...I've been absent for too long...sorry life kind of happened and I had to tend to it.

But I'm baaaaaaaaack!!!

Well don't all cheer at once...sheesh. I jest. ;)

Ok, so I really don't feel like updating my life right now because things are sort of crazy.  The people at college failed to mention that with a "diploma" comes a whole different life style.  I knew it was coming, I'm just now in the midst of getting my act together. :)

Anywhoz, SUMMER! Yes!! So, I have decided to do something interesting (if you wanna call it that).  The idea started back when I watched the Academy Awards with a few friends at school.  I was greatly intrigued by the movies nominated.  Actually...I'll be honest.  I felt rather stupid watching the Oscars cuz I had not seen half the movies nominated so when something was mentioned I couldn't cheer or boo because I hadn't seen the movie! And I therefore could have no opinion as to whether I think it should have one the awards a movie did!

That needed to change.  Hence why this summer I have decided to watch some of the nominated movies ranging any time span.  Most of the ones on my list right now are from the 2011-2012 batch, and I've got a few random movies thrown in there as well, BUT nevertheless, I plan to do a mini review on the movies I watch, and write about it on this very blog.

*Cue da da daaaaaa music*

Alright, the undertaking of this will be rather simple, at least, I hope it will be.  I want it to be simple because I realized that I cannot POSSIBLY watch every single movie that was nominated for an oscar in any give year and compare.  If I did that I might as well turn in my keys to humanity and dedicate myself to a life of potato chips and a couch...no. Do you know how many movies that would be? Don't even try to do the math, you will get a headache.  I have a headache just thinking about it...

Right back to Oscar nominated movies.  What I have decided to do is rate each movie individually and give my thoughts on them.

Without further ado...let's get started! Annnnnd I would like to start with a movie that everyone for the past year or so has been telling me to see. It's one of those "What, you haven't seen it?!" type of movies. Yes. So tonight I watched...

This film was nominated for 13 awards and won 6 including Best Picture and Best Actor in a Leading Role.

My Take on the film:

This may be a little crazy, but apart from Hanks performance, I really don't see what all the fuss is about .  It is a very good movie and I think it deserved the awards it got.  But there were some things in the movie that for lack of a better phrase, turned me off.  First, there was way too much sexual content for my taste.  In the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Second, Jenny, Gump's best friend and love of his life, was a 2D character and became shallow.  Throughout the movie, the poor girl is messed up due to abuse in her childhood, but the audience never explored her hurts and how deep they ran.  Maybe we didn't explore that because from Forrest's simple minded point of view, he saw it as "she was sad".  I'm a nitty gritty type of person, and I wanted to know more about Jenny, so that dissapointed me.

Third, I went into watching Forrest Gump thinking I was going to be drying my eyes half the movie much like I did when I watched Radio, another movie addressing the life of a man who has a condition similar to Forrest. (Go watch Radio by the way, it's EXCELLENT.) In all honesty though...it was sad, but not a tear jerker.  Forrest accomplished too much in his life for it to be a "sad" movie.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I would give Forrest Gump a solid 6.  It won 6 Oscars, so it seems to fit.  :)

Stay tuned for more movies both Oscar worthy and non Oscar worthy I shall be reviewing. Some to come include...

Iron Lady
Winter's Bone
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Reel Steel
Pirates 4 (this should be a hoot) 
The Artist
And much, much more! 

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Dear Readers,

Life happened.  I'll be back eventually.

Signed,

Facade: A superficial appearance or illusion to something.  (Dictionary.com)

All of us wear a facade at some point.  It is with great regret that I admit to wearing one every now and then.  To make things worse, I wear this facade around certain people.  The facade is worn to ward of confrontation and disagreement.  I'm tired of wearing it.  For so long now, I've wanted to tear off the mask and say what needs to be said.

It's important, really it is.  I'm searching for an opportunity to remove my facade.  Once I do, the words coming out of my mouth will be...

I am about to make myself very clear on a few things, and I need to get them off my chest cuz they are bugging me.  No, I'm not hating on anyone, it's just frustrating.  Tell me what you think, I'd be interested to know.

Ok here we go.

First of all, I cannot understand why people insist in continuing an abusive friendship.  Seriously! I have observed this recently where one person constantly bully's the other and I cannot help but wonder why this person lets themselves be bossed around by a peer.  To put this in more understandable terms, think of an extreme Laurel and Hardy or Abbot and Costello.  Does that make more sense?

Now in my mind, it's natural to think "But I love them, and I consider them a friend and they don't mean it."  My response to that is "If they didn't mean it, then why do they say it ALL THE TIME.  Why do they constantly push you around? If you really consider them a friend, then you would not let your self be put down by them as often as you do.  If they treat you like this, chances are they treat others that way too.  It would appear you are doing both yourself and your 'friend' a disservice."  That's just what I think though.  I personally do not care for "coarse jesting" (hopefully I'm not butchering that phrase).  In my opinion, I find it disheartening and demeaning.  Friends joke with each other on a certain level, but when you keep doing it over and over again, it can be too much.  Again, this frustrates me because I am currently observing this happen with someone else.  I cannot step in and say what I think, but there are days I wish I could.

Second, I'm finding it difficult to watch others get opportunities and chances that I wanted so badly.  It's kind of like the phrase "playing second fiddle".  Please don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful life with many great things going for me.  There are however a few instances where I hoped something would happen and it didn't.  I got the "second fiddle" position.  The only way I can say this is...

I'm tired of watching others play.
I may say "It doesn't matter or hurt."
It does hurt more than I care to admit.
And I'd like it to end please.

........Wow....french fries and a chocolate shake sounds really good right now.  Then again, so does a nap.

Ironically after I finished writing this, 10 minutes later, I am watching Survivor and I can't help but think....IRONIC. AND HILARIOUS. ;)

Guess who had an idea around 1:45am and HAD to write it down? Yup. Gotta love after Midnight creativity.   ;)
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My brain is being very active right now.  So enjoy it :)
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Another late night ramble by yours truly. Enjoy. :)
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This is kinda what I'm thinkin' lately.

Again, thank you Sara Groves.
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Every Minute by Sara Groves

I am long on staying 
I am slow to leave 
Especially when it comes to you my friend 
You have taught me to slow down 
And to prop up my feet 
It's the fine art of being who I am 

And I can't figure out 
Why you want me around 
I'm not the smartest person I have ever met 
But somehow that doesn't matter 
No it never really mattered to you at all 

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome 
At the risk of self-discovery 
I'll take every moment 
And every minute that you'll give me 

And I can think of time when families all lived together 
Four generations in one house 
And the table was full of good food 
And friends and neighbors 
That's not how we like it now 

Cause if you sit at home you're a loser 
Couldn't you find anything better to do 
Well no I couldn't think of one thing 
I would rather waste my time on than sitting here with you 

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome 
At the risk of self-discovery 
I'll take every moment 
And every minute that you'll give me 

And I wish all the people I love the most 
Could gather in one place 
And know each other and love each other well 

And I wish we could all go camping 
And lay beneath the stars 
And have nothing to do and stories to tell 
We'd sit around the campfire 
And we'd make each other laugh remembering when 
You're the first one I'm inviting 
Always know that you're invited, my friend 

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome 
At the risk of self-discovery 
I'll take every moment 
And every minute that you'll give me 
Every moment and every minute that you'll give me 
Every moment and every minute that you'll give me 
Every minute

If I haven't mentioned something called "The Puppy Pounce", forgive me readers for I shall now enlighten you. :)

Here is the definition of a Puppy Pounce:
1.) An unexpected hug from a dear friend usually given in the form of surprise.  It can involve being "pounced" upon from behind buildings, bushes and even doorways.  As always, the giver of the Puppy Pounce makes small whimperings and yips of an actual puppy. Response from victim is always positive and can result in them returning the favor.

2.) A very unusual method of waking up a friend who likes to "sleep late" and often refuses to get their sorry, sleepy butt out of bed.  It usually consists of sneaking up and gently pulling back the covers while making "whimpering puppy" noises.  Other methods include "pouncing", I.E. jumping on top of the victim while they are still asleep.  While responses are almost always positive, they can vary. Some victims refused to get up and utter strange sayings while pulling the covers back over their head, or, as very RARELY seen, they give the Pouncer a pillow to the face.  The victim then plots to return the favor, but fails.  For reasons why, read the bold print in sentence one of definition two.

True story.  Except I didn't give my "Puppy Pouncer" a pillow to the face. As a puppy would say "I wuvs em toooo mwuch."

FYI-Puppy Pounces are just as much fun to GIVE as they are to get! So give a good friend of yours a Puppy Pounce, and I promise you, it will make them smile! :D

*ruff ruff*

Courage doesn't always involve a visible heroic act.  Sometimes, it is the invisible acts of courage that are the hardest.  Don't get me wrong, it takes great courage to fight deadly disease, lead troops into battle and even stand up for one's beliefs.  It also takes great courage to remain still and silent when you are asked to let go of something you love.

I dedicate this post to one of my dearest friends who is one of the bravest people I know.  Take strength and heart no matter what task you are given.  Your silent courage will not be overlooked.

I love you dear friend.

One problem (among many I will admit) that I have is that I cannot verbally express some of the most important things buried deep inside me.  Fail? Yes.  Especially when you want to say it to someone you care about.  Words literally get caught in your throat and just kind of...stick...like...nasty oatmeal or cream of wheat.  You can't swallow or spit them out, they just sit there lodged in your esophogus waiting to get out.

Lovely picture right?

Thank God for pen and paper!

It makes it a lot easier to write down the things I feel on this inside. The only problem with THAT is...


I hope I can find the courage to write them.

This is pretty accurate.
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I don't know how to say this,
I don't know where to stand,
I don't know where to put my feet,
Or where to put my hands.
I've got them in my pockets,
My fingers are freezing cold,
They're wrapped around a ticket stub
That's four weeks old,
And I don't know how to say this.

I think we've figured out
This world is bigger than you and I.
We've exhausted our wealth of knowledge
And have no more answers for mankind.

We've had every conversation in the world
About what is right and what has all gone bad,
But have I mentioned to you that this is all I am,
This is all that I have.

I'm not trying to judge you.
No that's not my job.
I am just a seeker too,
In search of God.

Somewhere somehow this subject became taboo.
I have no other way to communicate to you.
This is all that I am.
This is all that I have.

And we've had every conversation in the world
About what is right and what has all gone bad,
But have I mentioned to you that this is all I am,
This is all that I have.

I would like to share with you
What makes me complete.
I don't claim to have found the Truth,
But I know it has found me.

The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way he set me free.
This is all that I have. This is all that I am.
It's all that I have, and it's all

The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way he set me free.
And this is all that I have. This is all that I am
It's all that I have, and it's all that I am
It's all that I have, and it's all

I don't know how to say this
I don't know where to start
Just know that I care for you
And I'm speaking from my heart 


Conversations by Sara Groves

For almost two days now I've been carrying around a piece of regular notebook paper in my pocket.  It's folded multiple times and is starting to fray because it's rubbed up against my pants.  I've come this close to crumpling it *makes small gesture with hand*.  Why? Or better yet, why DON'T I?

Answer?  It's got words on it.  I wrote them. Some how I think the words are important.  They are important to me even though they are nothing but a desperate ramble of what was on my heart two nights ago.

Will I ever say the words out loud? Let me put it this way, the reason I wrote them was because I couldn't find the courage and strength to say them aloud in the first place. I want to though, say them out loud that is, very much.

The paper is sitting on my nightstand, and will be in my pocket all week long.  Unless of course, I absent mindedly leave it at home.  Then I will have to say the words for myself, and not what's on that piece of paper.

Ok, it's only 12:46am, so maybe it's not that late. But here are some current things on my mind.

Thought 1: Balance of time: How do you do it?  To what, and more specifically who, do you devote what little time you have left?

Thought 2: The following thought process is true for people who desire these two idols in their life.
Approval Idol: I don't care what position I get or even where I end up as long as people like me.
Power Idol: I don't care what people think about me as long as I have a position of power.

Struggle much with either anyone?

Thought 3: It takes just as much strength to hold on to something as it does to let it go.  I believe this is true.

Thought 4: When do you ask for help and when do you just hold out till the end by yourself?


P.S. For those of you who were all excited about Project Runway All Stars, I regret to tell you that is a let down.  Project Runway minus Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum, Nina Garcia and Michael Kohrs = sadness.  The new people are really good designers and models, don't get me wrong, but it's just not the same.  Again, UBER sadness!

Time for another late night ramble by yours truly.

Something has been misplaced.  Where it went is not the question, the real question is : What the heck went missing?

All day, my persona on the inside feels like forgot to put on a vital piece of clothing.  Everything seems in tact, and I definitely have not forgotten anything...but something isn't there.  I can't place my finger on what exactly "it" is.  I don't know if it's a tangible item such as a book or person, or even something deeper like a feeling or state of mind.  Whatever it is though, it's gone.

And it's driving me crazy.

I'm having trouble thinking and, to a small degree, performing basic functions without it.  Simple tasks and obstacles now appear to be mountains instead of little bumps in the road.  That's just an example.

The more questions I ask, the less answers I find.

Worst thing about all of this is that  I have a sinking suspicion that I am the reason this thing is missing.  I.E. I...
1.) Drove it away.
2.) Made a bad choice that maimed it, and it had to leave in order to recover.
3.) Removed it myself without even knowing.

Confused.Missing.Uncomfortable.Worried.Afraid.Lost.

I hope I find it.