The Artistic Underground: heart

Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts

Posted by Amy G. In: brain, deep, heart, thoughts

Hear Myself Think

Another late night ramble by yours truly. Enjoy. :)
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People might say one’s crazy for calling the top of a sky scraper “the one place you can hear yourself think.” Um, if you’ve lived in a city before then you know for a fact it’s not crazy, in fact, it’s not only logical, but CORRECT. There really aren’t any places within a city that you can get away from the noise. For example, here are some not so good options.

One, your own house/apartment. Even though the daily hustle and bustle is blocked out, why would you want to hear yourself think there? Come on, the place where you so call “dwell” is a major distraction when you’re trying to organize your brain. Your brain can often start a thought process, but it will end up wanting to watch TV, eat a snack, facebook stalk people, whatever. Bad idea.

Two, coffee shop or restaurant? Nope. Can you guess why? That’s right. The moment you get deep into thought a familiar but unwelcome at the moment face shows up. Before you know it, the whole world has followed you and does not only decide to sit down at the table you oh so discretely chose way off in the corner, but has the nerve to ask “So what’s been on your mind lately?” Bite me.

Three, the park in the center of town is nice, but still is you guessed it, is in the middle of a city. Plus you have to constantly be aware of your surroundings otherwise you’ll get run over by a biker, runner or heaven forbid, you’ll stumble upon awkward romantic couples trying to find that “private place.”

The only possible way you can get away from all the noise and people is to get high above it all. In this case, that’s the top of a skyscraper. And that’s where I am currently sitting.

Nightfall is the ideal time to come up here because the city transforms into another universe. The air is cooler, the noise is quieter, the smell is sweeter, and the lights shinning off of all the other buildings make you feel like you’re actually sitting amongst the stars. It’s peaceful, and I love it.

Now I can finally hear myself think. The twinkling lights and cool breeze get my thoughts moving, and I can connect dots that I haven’t been able to get for days.

Ah...You want to know what I’m thinking about don’t you? Well you’ve come this far, I guess I can give you a little glimpse of what’s going on inside this noggin of mine. Ever had one of those moments where you felt you were just out of place? Er, let me rephrase that. It’s kind of like, you were apart of something and then you realized you weren’t needed? It didn’t necessarily make you feel bad, hurt or even shunned, it just felt...weird? Yeah well, that’s what I’m thinking about. More like sorting it out is the thing. I’ll sort it out, it’s nothing really.

All I care about right now is that I am the only one at the top of this building and no one can bother me. I wish I could describe what I feel when I look across this city I’ve come to love and call home. It’s a warmth that’s glorious and it brings back so many memories. The warmth is like hot water though, it feels good at first but if it gets too hot it hurts. What I mean is, this place has a special place in my heart, and it if it’s taken away from me, I don’t think I could bear it. It would hurt too much.

Gah, I’m off track, that’s what my mind does when I can actually sit down and think about what’s going on.

I’ll be up here for awhile, so please don’t wait up for me. No, I won’t stay up here all night, although that’s so tempting. I just need to stay up here long enough to hear myself think.

Posted by Amy G. In: friends, heart, time

Every Minute

This is kinda what I'm thinkin' lately.

Again, thank you Sara Groves.
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Every Minute by Sara Groves

I am long on staying
I am slow to leave
Especially when it comes to you my friend
You have taught me to slow down
And to prop up my feet
It's the fine art of being who I am

And I can't figure out
Why you want me around
I'm not the smartest person I have ever met
But somehow that doesn't matter
No it never really mattered to you at all

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome
At the risk of self-discovery
I'll take every moment
And every minute that you'll give me

And I can think of time when families all lived together
Four generations in one house
And the table was full of good food
And friends and neighbors
That's not how we like it now

Cause if you sit at home you're a loser
Couldn't you find anything better to do
Well no I couldn't think of one thing
I would rather waste my time on than sitting here with you

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome
At the risk of self-discovery
I'll take every moment
And every minute that you'll give me

And I wish all the people I love the most
Could gather in one place
And know each other and love each other well

And I wish we could all go camping
And lay beneath the stars
And have nothing to do and stories to tell
We'd sit around the campfire
And we'd make each other laugh remembering when
You're the first one I'm inviting
Always know that you're invited, my friend

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome
At the risk of self-discovery
I'll take every moment
And every minute that you'll give me
Every moment and every minute that you'll give me
Every moment and every minute that you'll give me
Every minute

Posted by Amy G. In: conversations, heart

Conversations by Sara Groves

This is pretty accurate.
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I don't know how to say this,
I don't know where to stand,
I don't know where to put my feet,
Or where to put my hands.
I've got them in my pockets,
My fingers are freezing cold,
They're wrapped around a ticket stub
That's four weeks old,
And I don't know how to say this.

I think we've figured out
This world is bigger than you and I.
We've exhausted our wealth of knowledge
And have no more answers for mankind.

We've had every conversation in the world
About what is right and what has all gone bad,
But have I mentioned to you that this is all I am,
This is all that I have.

I'm not trying to judge you.
No that's not my job.
I am just a seeker too,
In search of God.

Somewhere somehow this subject became taboo.
I have no other way to communicate to you.
This is all that I am.
This is all that I have.

And we've had every conversation in the world
About what is right and what has all gone bad,
But have I mentioned to you that this is all I am,
This is all that I have.

I would like to share with you
What makes me complete.
I don't claim to have found the Truth,
But I know it has found me.

The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way he set me free.
This is all that I have. This is all that I am.
It's all that I have, and it's all

The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way he set me free.
And this is all that I have. This is all that I am
It's all that I have, and it's all that I am
It's all that I have, and it's all

I don't know how to say this
I don't know where to start
Just know that I care for you
And I'm speaking from my heart

Conversations by Sara Groves

Posted by Amy G. In: adventure, beloved, deep, dreams, heart, tired, warm, weary, wishful thinking

4:11am

Sometimes when I can't sleep at night, I turn my light on an jot something down. I wrote this one last night.
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4:11am was what the clock on my phone read as I rolled over and checked the time. My body woke me up and told me that I stupidly drank too much liquid before bed. Oh well, nature calls I guess.

Stumbling out of my room I walked to the bathroom, and flipped on the light switch. Like everyone else who walks into a bathroom, I saw the first thing that anyone see’s; their own reflection in the mirror. I stared into my slightly pink eyes which clearly had sleep written all over them, and I remembered something. I’d been dreaming about five minutes ago.

The dream was beautiful that much I knew. But I couldn’t remember what I was dreaming about. Jumbled up images and emotions were all I could grasp as I tried to recall exactly what happened in the dream. It was too difficult to piece them together, and my heart sank. Dreams are one of the few ways I can literally escape my own world for a time, and let my mind and heart wander in a way they can’t in reality.

I was about proceed with the reason why I’d come into the bathroom in the first place when something caught my attention. My eyes didn’t look normal. There was a certain glow to them I didn’t recognize. They seemed to still hold some remnants of my dream, so I stepped closer to the mirror to take a look. Well what do you know? They were glowing softly.

I stared very hard into my own reflection’s eyes hoping to find my dream hidden somewhere inside. Nothing was popping out though, no faces, places or even a time. That’s when it hit me. I was waiting for my dream to playback at me like a movie in a theatre. Dreams don’t work that way though. They make you work to remember them. You don’t recall dreams by conjuring up images within it. No, you must recall the feeling the dream gave you. From there the dream should unravel.

It made sense. There was a slight hesitation though. As we all know, dreams have the ability to make us feel more deeply than we can in the real world. Why? Because they bring to life those unspoken desires, the ones you can’t put into words that lie sleeping somewhere deep within our hearts. When they awake, our souls are covered in a blanket of emotion we can’t understand. Happy, sad, complete, joyful, excited, heartbroken, amazed...Feeling so much at once can make you feel vulnerable.

Vulnerable.

That was my hesitation. In order to fully recall my dream, I would have to stare beyond the surface of my hazel-green eyes, and drop the barrier that kept my reality and my dreams apart. I would have to be made vulnerable, and merge my real self, with that of my dreams.

Putting all hesitations aside, I leaned forward and stared down my own reflection. My gaze was peaceful at first, until I felt my brow furrow in frustration. Nothing was happening. I kept on starting though, determined to break through. It was then that I realized that my reflection was now doing something different. My reflection’s face was peaceful...and smiling. According to the rest of my body, my face was currently contorted in frustration, it wasn’t smiling. I wanted to mimic myself in the mirror but I couldn’t figure out how. Then reflection gave me the answer.

She blinked, then smiled.

Another thing I forgot to mention, dreams are not seen with the eyes of a human. They are seen with the eyes of the heart. Which meant, I had to close my eyes. Giving up my human sight was the last step in letting go of everything familiar, and succumbing to blissful universe of a dream.

Breathing slowly, I closed my eyes.

And remembered everything.

Posted by Amy G. In: beloved, happy, heart, warm

A Warmed Heart

As I currently sit on my lovely, soft warm bed surrounded by my two huge wolf stuffies (yes, I still sleep with stuffed animals), soothing music, I breathe out a happy sigh.

I find it interesting that even when you have a hard day, things ALWAYS look up, no matter how dark the situation may be. My day didn't start off so great. We are currently in the middle of tech for our One Acts Festival, of which I play the dual role of Director and Lighting Designer for two. Everything went smoothly for both my techs. The road leading to that smoothness had a quite a few bumps though. I mean what road doesn't right? Needless to say, there were moments where I didn't know what the heck I was going to do about a few things, but in the end, a solution presented itself.

Well...actually, the Father presented a solution. It was one of those moments I really thought I was not going to make it. Anxiety, sadness, fear, all the typical emotions gripped my mind and heart for a brief time, until I surrendered everything to the only One who provides a rescue. :) What a relief it was to know that, although hidden at the present time, a solution was on the horizon. Twenty minutes later, the sun rose, the choir sang and all was well. :)

From there everything went skyward. And now I am just thinking about some of the lovely, wonderful blessings that currently warm my heart. Here are some examples.

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Beautiful music reminding me that I am watched over constantly by a protective pair of eyes...

Recorded laughs and giggles from silly mishaps and awkward statements...

Cuddly stuffed animals...

Warm chocolately, pepperminty Christmas drinks from my favorite local coffee shop...

The smell of the Holidays...

Encouragement notes from a dear friend...

Pumpkin Spice muffins...

Boarding passes for a flight home...

The anticipation a family gathering...

Finding a really cool Kappa Delta Epsilon coin in the parking lot...

A favorite movie trailer...

Warm clothes fresh out of the dryer...

Hiding in the corners of Barnes and Noble and reading aloud childhood stories with a best friend...

Hugs and kisses from a beloved...

Saying "I love you" to someone you hold near and dear....and hearing it in return...