I'm tired right now.  Tired on the inside.

Ever had one of those things, be it a church, school subject, social circle or even work ethic that just doesn't work for you?  You want nothing more than to "shake the dust off your feet" and move on, but you realize you can't leave because it's the only thing you know of?  If you leave, you're denying yourself something that's vital for your life.  The only option is to stay, and give whatever it is you have another try.  Years go by and you eventually lose count of the chances you've given with no change whatsoever.

I've done this for so long with one particular area in my life (I hesitate to say which at the moment, maybe I will reveal this in another post.).  I am sick and tired of going to back to something I know does.not.work.  Unfortunately, I don't know where to go or turn for something better.  Giving more chances to something I know discourages me more than builds me up is something I refuse to do.  It's wearing down on my soul and I don't know how much more I can take.  I'm stuck, and I just want to be free to leave one particular area behind so I can discover new wonderful God could have in store for me.

This feeling of weariness, helplessness and discouragement got to me today, and I couldn't express myself any other way than by crying.  In fact, I can't think of any other way to express how I feel.  I'm a very visual person, so maybe these pictures will give you an idea of how I feel.

I'm so grateful for the forgiveness of others, and especially God...I'm forever grateful that I have received it, even when I didn't deserve it.

To all who have forgiven me, thank you.

Forgive me now 'cause I have been unfaithful
Don't ask me why 'cause I don't know
So many times I've tried but was unable
This heart belongs to You alone

Now I'm in our secret place
Alone in Your embrace
Where all my wrongs have been erased
You have forgiven

All the promises and lies
All the times I compromise
All the times You were denied
You have forgiven

Forgive me I'm ashamed, I've loved another
I can't explain 'cause I don't know
No one can take Your place and there is no other
Forever Yours and Yours alone

Now I'm in our secret place
Alone in Your embrace
Where all my wrongs have been erased
You have forgiven

All the promises and lies
All the times I compromise
All the times You were denied
You have forgiven

I get down on my knees
Feel Your love wash over me
There will never be another
You're the only one forever
And You know, I'm Yours alone

I'm in our secret place
Alone in Your embrace
Where all my wrongs have been erased
You have forgiven

All the promises and lies
All the times I compromise
All the times You were denied
You have forgiven

You have forgiven
Forgiven, forgiven
Forgiven, forgiven
Forgiven, forgiven
Forgiven


-Forgiven; Skillet