The Artistic Underground: conversations

Showing posts with label conversations. Show all posts

Posted by Amy G. In: bound, conversations, guilt, hurt, weight

I Hurt, Because You Hurt

My brain is being very active right now. So enjoy it :)
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She’s late. And that’s not like her. Well, in most cases it’s not. Although for some reason, I’m not surprised she’s late, especially after that text last night. “Can we talk tomorrow? Please?” “Yes. Of course. You ok?” “I’ll be fine.”

If you want to really worry your friends, then send them a vague text such as “I’ll be fine.” You can imagine how well I slept that night. My friend doesn’t have any problems...well, big one’s that is. I mean there are a few things here and there, but who doesn’t have them? I have my little things that I have to deal with every now and then, so it’s nothing new. Still, I was worried.

We decided to meet at the park, it’s a nice generic place where hopefully we won’t run into anyone we know. Something tells me we will want to be alone for this conversation. I arrive at 3:47pm. I’m early and that’s rare for me. I usually show up five minutes before meet time. Since I’m early, I decide to sit on the bench swing and wait. 4:00pm rolls around and I’m watching for her. Any minute now she should be strolling around the corner. 4:05pm, still no show. At 4:10pm I pull out my phone to see if she texted or called me. Nope, no new messages. 4:20pm...again no show. 4:26pm...Now I’m getting concerned. I’m about to call when I see her round the corner of the park.

She’s walking slowly, almost in a shuffle and her head’s down. Huh, that’s funny. That girl’s usually got a swagger. It’s not there today. It’s pretty obvious she’s seen me cuz she’s walking right towards the bench swing, she hasn’t really acknowledged me yet though. Finally she’s in front of me and looks up.

“Hey.” “Hi there.” She sits down. And then there is silence. Now I know something’s wrong. Apart from her fame for never being tardy, she is also known for being quite the chatterbox. “What’s up?” She shrugs, and then turns her face towards me. It’s only once she looks at me that I get what’s wrong.

She’s done it again. She didn’t have to say the words to tell me that she did her eyes say it all. It pains me to look into them. I see shame, fear, guilt, sadness, brokenness, and even a little bit of frustration. Remember when I said we all have those little things we have to deal with? Well, she has hers too. Unfortunately, her’s can be addicting.

I don’t exactly know what to think. She said she’d stopped, so I’m a little confused. Something must have happened that drove her to resort to this. But then again, is that an excuse? She’s changed so much, and I know she had turned her back on this, why would she willingly return? It’s something I can’t comprehend at the moment. I’m not angry at her, if anything I’m hurt. No she didn’t hurt me, she hurt herself, and that’s worse.

We stare at each other for one breathless minute before tears well up in her eyes and spill out onto her cheeks. Then the sobbing starts, and it’s a matter of seconds before she’s doubled over in frustrated hysteria. I try to pull her up and into my arms for a tight hug. Once I’ve got her there all she can say is “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” I’m taken back. “Don’t apologize to me. It’s yourself you’re hurting. Not me.” She continues to cry cuz she realizes I’m right. What I said was true, and from the sound of her crying, I think it’s sinking in. She knows what she did was wrong.

While I’m holding her as close as I possibly can my mind is whirling. I can’t fix or undo anything she’s done, nor can I make her feel better. No words of comfort or even encouragement would do any good right now. All I can do in this moment is be there and do two things. One, I’ll hold her close and tight till the crying’s done. And two, I’ll pray my heart out.

I didn’t say this to her, but if I find the right moment, I will. “The only thing that hurts me right now is watching you hurt yourself. That hurts more than anything. And I pray that God will give you the strength to stop.”

Posted by Amy G. In: conversations, heart

Conversations by Sara Groves

This is pretty accurate.
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I don't know how to say this,
I don't know where to stand,
I don't know where to put my feet,
Or where to put my hands.
I've got them in my pockets,
My fingers are freezing cold,
They're wrapped around a ticket stub
That's four weeks old,
And I don't know how to say this.

I think we've figured out
This world is bigger than you and I.
We've exhausted our wealth of knowledge
And have no more answers for mankind.

We've had every conversation in the world
About what is right and what has all gone bad,
But have I mentioned to you that this is all I am,
This is all that I have.

I'm not trying to judge you.
No that's not my job.
I am just a seeker too,
In search of God.

Somewhere somehow this subject became taboo.
I have no other way to communicate to you.
This is all that I am.
This is all that I have.

And we've had every conversation in the world
About what is right and what has all gone bad,
But have I mentioned to you that this is all I am,
This is all that I have.

I would like to share with you
What makes me complete.
I don't claim to have found the Truth,
But I know it has found me.

The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way he set me free.
This is all that I have. This is all that I am.
It's all that I have, and it's all

The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way he set me free.
And this is all that I have. This is all that I am
It's all that I have, and it's all that I am
It's all that I have, and it's all

I don't know how to say this
I don't know where to start
Just know that I care for you
And I'm speaking from my heart

Conversations by Sara Groves