For almost two days now I've been carrying around a piece of regular notebook paper in my pocket.  It's folded multiple times and is starting to fray because it's rubbed up against my pants.  I've come this close to crumpling it *makes small gesture with hand*.  Why? Or better yet, why DON'T I?

Answer?  It's got words on it.  I wrote them. Some how I think the words are important.  They are important to me even though they are nothing but a desperate ramble of what was on my heart two nights ago.

Will I ever say the words out loud? Let me put it this way, the reason I wrote them was because I couldn't find the courage and strength to say them aloud in the first place. I want to though, say them out loud that is, very much.

The paper is sitting on my nightstand, and will be in my pocket all week long.  Unless of course, I absent mindedly leave it at home.  Then I will have to say the words for myself, and not what's on that piece of paper.

Time for another late night ramble by yours truly.

Something has been misplaced.  Where it went is not the question, the real question is : What the heck went missing?

All day, my persona on the inside feels like forgot to put on a vital piece of clothing.  Everything seems in tact, and I definitely have not forgotten anything...but something isn't there.  I can't place my finger on what exactly "it" is.  I don't know if it's a tangible item such as a book or person, or even something deeper like a feeling or state of mind.  Whatever it is though, it's gone.

And it's driving me crazy.

I'm having trouble thinking and, to a small degree, performing basic functions without it.  Simple tasks and obstacles now appear to be mountains instead of little bumps in the road.  That's just an example.

The more questions I ask, the less answers I find.

Worst thing about all of this is that  I have a sinking suspicion that I am the reason this thing is missing.  I.E. I...
1.) Drove it away.
2.) Made a bad choice that maimed it, and it had to leave in order to recover.
3.) Removed it myself without even knowing.

Confused.Missing.Uncomfortable.Worried.Afraid.Lost.

I hope I find it.